Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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