Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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