I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
