Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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