You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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