mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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