i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
