how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
