Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
