I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
