Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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