I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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