why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
