Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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