i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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