I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
