i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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