Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
