after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I deserve this hangover.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
