Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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