pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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