marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
