I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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