I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Randomize
