all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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