I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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