can we get nightvision for the apartment?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
