Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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