I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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