theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
