4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
