Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
