So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
