That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
