Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
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Do I have a choice?
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I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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