I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
