We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
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