Non-Jews are for practice
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
