wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
