If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
