Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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