I skipped work to stalk him.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
