she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
