i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
