Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
