Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Holy sore nipples Batman
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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