Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm like, not good at living.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
