Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
