I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
