Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
