you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
